Julie (mouse_mistress) wrote in pac_con,

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Karl/Craig p.4

Title: Show Me Heaven (4/?)
Author: mouse_mistress
Pairing: Karl/Craig
Rating: PG-13 for language
Summary: Karl considers the Elf's advice
Disclaimer: Don't know any of these wonderful men or what they get up to in their private lives. Just borrowing them for a bit. Very not true. All fiction. But I do wish they would cooperate! :)
A/N: Inspired by the beautiful song of the same name by Maria McKee. Journal form once again, Karl's turn.

June 21
Well, that was ... enlightening. Just got back from having breakfast with (and unloading on) the Elf. The 'other' Elf. Orlando really is an amazing person. He can be so hyper and scatterbrained, but at the same time there's a depth there that a lot of people tend to overlook. He made me realize that this situation with Craig is more serious than I was willing to admit, even to myself, and he gave me some good advice on what to do next. At least I hope it's good advice. He seems to think that Craig feels the same way about me. I still don't know, it's so hard to tell. Orli told me that I needed to eventually tell Craig how I feel, but thank god he said I could work up to it. Start with just flirting a bit and dropping some hints here and there. God, it sounded so simple when he said it! Now that I think about it, it's looking more and more complicated. How do I flirt with my best friend? It can't be that hard. No different than flirting with anyone else, right? Okay then. I wonder if Craig's doing anything tonight? Maybe we can meet for dinner tonight. I owe him a decent meal anyway. Something nice, but casual. Not a date-y kind of place, but something sort of quiet ... Fuck, this is going to be a lot harder than I thought originally. Okay, breathe. Orlando was right, I'm definitely overthinking things again. We'll just go out to that little restaurant down the street that we both like - just two friends enjoying a night off and a nice meal. I can do this.


Okay, I can tell right now that I'm going to have to sit down and get my shit together before I do anything else. Craig is my friend, first and foremost. Yeah, there's a new angle to our friendship that wasn't there before, but nothing has really changed that much. I've got to settle down and get my head around that before I talk to him. Maybe I better wait on the dinner thing. I feel like I'm charging in and forcing what should be a natural progression. This is all still too new to me for me to be able to deal with seeing Craig right now. I think I would be too nervous and uncomfortable. I've got to give myself some time to deal with these new feelings ... to incorporate them into what I feel for Craig already as a friend. In other words, I've got to calm down and quit acting like a giddy schoolboy with his first crush. You hear that, Urban? Calm down and think this through!!

June 22
Thank god I actually listened to myself! I feel a lot better about the whole situation this morning. Much calmer and more comfortable. I spent most of yesterday out horseback riding. Felt good to get out and do something physical and let my mind rest for a while. I think I'll call Craig later on today and see if he wants to catch a late dinner after he's finished filming. I realized yesterday that my being in love with Craig isn't going to change our friendship. At least not in a negative way. And certainly not any time soon. Time to go get Eomer-ed up. More later.

June 23
Met Craig for dinner last night. It went a lot better than I was expecting it to. I realized last night that all the questions I've been worrying so much about just disappear when I'm actually with Craig. None of it really seems to matter as long as he's with me. Instead of feeling nervous or self-conscious, I just felt comfortable. Nothing has ever felt so perfectly right before. I also realized that the flirting thing isn't as hard as I thought it would be. It felt perfectly natural to touch him...nothing blatant, just a hand on his waist as we went into the restaurant, a peck on the cheek when we met ... all things that I realize now I've always wanted to do, but didn't. It was actually kind of amusing to see the curiosity in Craig's eyes. Thank god, curiosity was all I saw. He didn't seem uncomfortable. No doubt he's beginning to wonder if I've lost my mind completely. Actually, I'm wondering the same thing. No filming tomorrow, so I invited Craig to come over tonight. No way am I going to embarrass myself by trying to cook for him, but luckily Craig's fine with pizza and beer.

part 1

part 2

part 3

X-posted to my LJ.
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